Saturday, January 31, 2015

a permanent decision

Saturday, January 31, 2015

taken with ipod 5 (5 megapixels) / edited with apple, afterlight, and picmonkey

...well, not so permanent. This tattoo is done with a gel pen. It traces two veins on my left wrist.
We went to a vegan restaurant with a couple friends during Thanksgiving break and one of our conversation topics was tattoos. I wanted an Orion somewhere near my collarbones. One of the friends wanted a really pretty sleeve (flowers??) or to connect freckles and bruises and spots on her leg to make constellations.

Tattoos are a huge commitment, and while I'm pushing 16 I am in no way ready for that (hey, long-term commitmentphobe here!). But that doesn't stop me from dreaming:

beautiful watercolor flowers like these
or simple typographic symbols
bff lineart flowers !!
or a stick n poke with meaning.
I have  very very pale skin, especially under my arms and eyelids. Translucent, if you will. So my veins are there for everyone to enjoy (if you decide to stare at my underarms). I used to hate this feature but now, it actually feels pretty rad.

Back when I struggled with self harm, the fact that I could see my veins was the only thing that stopped me from ever breaking skin too deep. It's been almost a year now since the last scratch and it seems pretty permanent. 
That's why, on a whim two days ago, I decided to trace two of my veins. One is a very thin one and the other one is thicker:

 through  t h i c k  & thin.

Right now it acts as a reminder that no matter what situation, there will always be blood rushing through my veins; a reminder of success; an uphill struggle with mental illness. Maybe in the future I'll get it professionally done. In white, thin ink.

And the Orion? I've always looked at the stars with hope, and no matter where I am, if I can see Orion, I know I'm home.

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